Lately, I lost my appetite for love

I do not know why but love has become like a double cheese chicken burger, delicious but yet I do not have anymore appetite for it. Perhaps I'm never lucky in love all my life and it's just sickening to start all over again.

I must admit that I've been very playful again these days but what to do (even the way I write sounds playful). I am trying to balance myself and if I stop flirting with girls I might be the next Elton John's fan, and I dont wanna go there. If you gays are reading this, then know this, I WILL NEVER BE YOUR GANG. FUCK OFF AND GET SOMEONE ELSE's BUTT. YOU WILL NEVER OWN MINE. HEHE. (no disrespect though)

Anyway, back to the topic. I thought about it for a very long time and could have started a relationship with someone but I couldn't. I am back to my old self! I am afraid of commitment once again. DAMN! I know. It's like a disease that takes time to cure. I had it cured before and now I need to cure it once again.

What exactly do I need? I dont know. Can I just have sex and not invest any feelings? Hehe. No no.. Dont judge me that way. I know my friends will be slamming me down for saying this (only female I mean. For guys, they will of course tell me to fucking go ahead with it, especially Mahen. LOL.). But my heart is fragile every now and then. It's too much of a risk.

A friend once told me that if I am afraid to love then I dont deserved to be loved. I think you can guess that those fucking words came from a woman. Who else would say that other than the female species, right? Full of shit but still true. DAMN!

Maybe I havent found the right one but who on earth can tell who is the right one? After all, my guesses always goes wrong. Sux right?

What kind of girl would suit me? Intelligent but commanding? Pretty but stupid? Sexy but silly? Hot but heartless? Happy but playful? Skinny but always angry? Fat and ugly but kind and caring? Sigh..... why cant I find someone who is intelligent, pretty, sexy, hot, happy, kind and caring? Is there none of these qualities left or are they all married? Cant they bloody divorce and marry me? You know that I dont mind divorcee. Hehe.

Perhaps being too demanding is not a good thing but then again I am only human and human always strive for perfection. But to get that kind of woman (intelligent, pretty, sexy, hot, happy, kind and caring), an angel must fly out from your arse in order to get to her, which means impossible. DAMN!

Anyway, I got know a few girls in clubs and one of them is only 19. She asked me out and I was like... duh? 19? Just exactly how many years I need to invest in her before she become matured and know exactly what she want? Plus, why would a 19 years old girl go out with an old man like me by the way. What the fuck was she thinking? Clueless. Just like most of the teenagers nowadays. Or perhaps she was thinking of free drinks and always get to party by going out with me? FORGET IT! hehe. Not that I am not a gentleman but then I dont wanna waste my time on go-go girls who wanna have fun and then when the drinks and partying are done, tell you to fuck off!

I know what you're thinking. Perhaps I need to go for counselling soon. I cant fall in love again until I had my mind clear up and knows exactly what I want again. But that aint gonna be my resolution for 2010. My resolution for 2010 is to be successful in my business. Guys always tell me that if you have money, women will come to you. OK. I know what you're thinking. I AM BUYING IT, Motherfuckers!! Hehe.